1
2
3
4
F
  Fightin' Ditkas
16
0
8
10
34
  Animals
23
26
0
0
49

"The Battle of the Questionable Decisions"

The matchup between the Chicago Fightin' Ditkas and the Indy Animals was a comedy of errors, dazzling highlights, and moments that left fans wondering if the teams were just playing a game of Madden set to "rookie" mode. In the end, Indy emerged victorious with a 49-34 win, but not before a few head-scratching moments and some classic Ditkas confusion.

Caleb Williams took the field for the Ditkas with all the swagger of a man who forgot his playbook at home. Completing 172 yards with no touchdowns but sneaking in a two-point conversion, he left fans with the unmistakable feeling of, "Did I just watch a QB or someone playing hot potato with a football?"

Jameis Winston, on the other hand, was in full "Jameis gonna Jameis" mode, throwing for a wild 336 yards and three touchdowns. "I was seeing everything out there—maybe too much, if we're being honest," Winston said post-game, polishing off a celebratory plate of crab legs.

Keon Coleman, Brian Thomas Jr., and Xavier Worthy each tried their best to keep Chicago in the game. Each scored a touchdown, and each had a look that said, "Do we even know what the playoffs look like?" Coach Shadd Wright was overheard muttering, "At least they didn't trip over their own shoelaces this week," as he prepared for next week's potential circus.

Jahmyr Gibbs and Garrett Wilson played like they were auditioning for a movie about underappreciated football heroes. Gibbs ran for 133 yards and a touchdown, refusing to be tackled unless by force of a small army. Garrett Wilson, who accumulated 113 receiving yards, added, "I told Jameis just throw it somewhere near my zip code, and I’ll handle the rest."

Tucker Kraft stole the show with a respectable 78 yards and a touchdown, proving that if your last name sounds like a cheese brand, you can still score big in this league. "Cheesy, but effective," Kraft quipped, shaking hands and looking relieved that he didn’t drop the ball—literally.

Chicago fans left with their usual mixed emotions of hope and "Why do I still root for this team?" Indy fans, on the other hand, cheered as if they had just won the Super Bowl, despite this being a regular season game against a team that couldn’t find its way out of a paper bag with a GPS. And that, folks, is how you turn a game of football into a reality show called When in Doubt, Throw It Out.

Chicago Fightin' Ditkas
Pos.
Player
Stats
Points
QB
Caleb Williams 172 yds, 2pc 2
RB
Braelon Allen 32 yds, TD 6
WR
Drake London 34 yds  
WR
Xavier Worthy 37 yds, TD 6
WR
Keon Coleman 70 yds, TD 6
WR
Brian Thomas jr. 60 yds, TD 6
TE
Hunter Henry 45 yds  
K
Greg Zuerlein FG, xp 4
DEF
San Francisco 49er's 292yd, 2s, 2i 4
 
Total:
34
 
Indy Animals
Pos.
Player
Stats
Points
QB
Jameis Winston 336 yds, 3 TD's 19
RB
Jahmyr Gibbs 133 yds, TD 7
RB
Tank Bigsby 86 yds  
WR
Garrett Wilson 113 yds  
WR
Cooper Kupp 51 yds, TD 6
TE
Brock Bowers 58 yds  
TE
Tucker Kraft 78 yds, TD 7
K
Chase McLaughlin FG, 3 xp's 6
DEF
Green Bay Packers 390yd, s, i, f 3
 
Total:
49