1
2
3
4
F
  Scarecrows
17
7
6
0
30
  Mexican'ts
6
18
8
21
53

Domestic Violence Bowl Recap: Mexican'ts Dominate, Scarecrows Left in the Dust

The annual showdown between the South Carolina Scarecrows and the San Antonio Mexican'ts, dubbed the "Domestic Violence Bowl," delivered all the chaos, drama, and mismatched expectations one could hope for. This year, however, it was less a close rivalry and more a public flogging as the Mexican'ts dismantled the Scarecrows 53-30.

From the first whistle, San Antonio showed that they were here for more than just the halftime cornfield spectacle. Jared Goff, despite throwing for a modest 86 yards, proved the efficiency of a quarterback who only needs three big plays to claim 18 points. His three touchdowns were enough to make South Carolina’s Jordan Love question if he was in the right sport. "Maybe I need a refresher on where the end zone is," Love mumbled post-game, staring blankly at his zero-point stat line.

CeeDee Lamb was the undeniable star of the show, torching the Scarecrows’ secondary for 146 yards and two touchdowns. His dynamic performance set the tone, leaving San Antonio owner Tanya Harless to quip, "He could’ve run those routes blindfolded and still embarrassed them." Tyler Conklin also joined the fun with a touchdown catch, celebrating as if he had just found out he wasn't on South Carolina's roster.

San Antonio’s defense was a brick wall, sacking Love three times and snagging five points for their trouble. Meanwhile, Kansas City's defensive unit feasted on South Carolina’s hapless offense, recording five sacks and adding seven defensive points to their tally.

On the other side, South Carolina’s most notable achievement came from Jonathan Taylor, who reminded everyone that he’s back and healthy with 117 rushing yards and a touchdown. Unfortunately, the rest of the team must have missed that memo. Stefon Diggs, who had been rumored to be eyeing a big day, was limited to 77 forgettable yards. Owner Trevor Harless was seen face-palming in the owner’s box as his supposed WR1 turned into WR-none.

Kicker Brandon McRapist was the lone bright spot for the Scarecrows, racking up 12 points and proving that field goals are, in fact, better than nothing. "Hey, at least someone knows how to put points on the board," McRapist said, trying not to sound too bitter.

The final score painted an unflattering picture for South Carolina, who left San Antonio with bruised egos and a 5-3 record. On the opposite sideline, Tanya Harless and the Mexican'ts moved to 6-2, with the team beaming like they just won the lottery. "We don’t just play this game to win," Tanya stated with a wink. "We play it to crush the dreams of our rivals."

In a  game notorious for unpredictable outcomes, the Mexican'ts showed that sometimes, it's not so unpredictable after all. The Scarecrows will need to find some magic—and fast—if they hope to bounce back from this beating.

South Carolina Scarecrows
Pos.
Player
Stats
Points
QB
Jordan Love 195 yds  
RB
Jonathan Taylor 117 yds, TD 7
RB
Racheed White 67 yds, TD 6
WR
Stefon Diggs 77 yds  
WR
DeAndre Hopkins 29 yds  
WR
Rashod Bateman 28 yds  
TE
Moe Alie-Cox 0 yds  
K
Brandon McManus 3 FG's, 3 xp's 12
DEF
Los Angeles Rams 276yd, 3s, sfty 5
 
Total:
30
 
San Antonio Mexican'ts
Pos.
Player
Stats
Points
QB
Jared Goff 86 yds, 3 TD's 18
RB
Nick Chubb 52 yds  
RB
Najee Harris 131 yds 1
RB
Devin Singletary 23 yds  
WR
CeeDee Lamb 146 yds, 2 TD's 13
WR
Christian Kirk 59 yds  
TE
Tyler Conklin 42 yds, TD 6
K
Cameron Dicker 2 FG's, 2 xp's 8
DEF
Kansas City Chiefs 228yd, 5s, f, <250yds 7
 
Total:
53