1
2
3
4
F
  Bagels
17
0
0
23
40
  Fightin' Ditkas
0
17
1
0
18

Bagels Cruise In McCaffrey's Return; Beat Ditkas 40-18

In what can only be described as a lopsided showdown, the Cincinnati Bagels handed the Chicago Fightin' Ditkas a crushing 40-18 defeat, proving once again that the Ditkas are less about “fighting” and more about “accepting defeat gracefully.”

Cincinnati’s C.J. Stroud wasn’t exactly lighting up the field but managed to contribute 6 points with a modest 237 passing yards and a single touchdown. He was effectively backed by a solid—if not spectacular—effort from his running backs. Christian McCaffrey, making his highly anticipated return, put up 107 yards, while David Montgomery contributed 6 points with a touchdown. McCaffrey even commented, “I may not have broken the scoreboard today, but hey, at least I broke a sweat.”

The Bagels’ defense, however, was the real MVP, posting a whopping 16 points, thanks to nine sacks and the sheer humiliation of the Ditkas’ offense. New England’s defense went all-out, holding Chicago to just 142 total yards and sending the Chicago offensive line scrambling like they were late for a lunch reservation.

The Ditkas' offense, on the other hand, could’ve used an actual Ditka miracle. Aaron Rodgers seemed more focused on contemplating his life choices than throwing touchdown passes, and his measly 151 passing yards failed to even register on the scoreboard. Austin Ekeler attempted to keep Chicago afloat with two touchdowns, contributing 12 of Chicago's 18 total points, but the rest of the offense might as well have been watching from the sidelines. Rodgers, when asked about his performance, simply shrugged and said, “I’m not used to carrying this much weight on my own.”

Kicker Ka'imi Fairbairn of Cincinnati added an impressive 11 points, making up for the Bagels’ occasional offensive stumbles. Meanwhile, Cam Little managed to chip in a solitary point for Chicago, which was apparently enough for him to consider the day a “career highlight.”

With this victory, the Bagels continue their playoff push, while the Ditkas, now at 1-9, are left to ponder if there's a prize for consistently showing up and taking hits. As for Chicago fans? They’re probably ready to start focusing on their holiday shopping instead of any delusions of a miraculous comeback.

Cincinnati Bagels
Pos.
Player
Stats
Points
QB
C.J. Stroud 237 yds, TD 6
RB
Christian McCaffrey 107 yds 1
RB
Breece Hall 83 yds  
RB
David Montgomery 56 yds, TD 6
WR
Jaylen Waddle 56 yds  
WR
Jordan Addison 29 yds  
TE
T.J. Hockenson 72 yds  
K
Ka'imi Fairbairn 3 FG's, 2 xp's 11
DEF
New England Patriots 142yd, 9s, <150yd 16
 
Total:
40
 
Chicago Fightin' Ditkas
Pos.
Player
Stats
Points
QB
Aaron Rodgers 151 yds  
RB
Braelon Allen 34 yds  
RB
Austin Ekeler 51 yds, 2 TD's 12
WR
Davante Adams 31 yds  
WR
Xavier Worthy 11 yds  
WR
Brian Thomas jr. 12 yds  
TE
Hunter Henry 14 yds  
K
Cam Little xp 1
DEF
Washington Commies 312yd, 3s, i, f 5
 
Total:
18