1
2
3
4
F
  Sunrise
0
23
0
20
43
  Personality
15
6
0
6
27

Tequila Sunrise Turns Up the Heat to Roast Taipei Personality, 43-27

The Tequila Sunrise walked into Taipei and left no doubt who was the dominant team, sizzling their way to a 43-27 victory over the Taipei Personality in a game that saw some truly "personal" performances—or lack thereof.

Patrick Mahomes looked like he was on cruise control, tossing for 285 yards and a single touchdown for a lukewarm 6 points. When asked about his surprisingly calm performance, Mahomes quipped, “I thought about throwing another, but then I remembered Bijan was out there, and well...why bother?”

That "Bijan" he mentioned—Bijan Robinson—was a one-man wrecking crew, blasting Taipei’s defense with 144 rushing yards and two touchdowns, racking up 13 points. Rumor has it Taipei's defense is still recovering from the nightmare of trying to tackle him. De’Von Achane and J.K. Dobbins decided to sit back and enjoy the Bijan Show, contributing a combined 0 points, which didn’t seem to bother Tequila one bit.

Over in the receiving department, Amon-Ra St. Brown grabbed a touchdown on his way to 6 points, while Sam LaPorta snagged 66 yards and a score himself, adding another 6 points. Khalil Shakir quietly racked up 58 yards with no touchdowns, perhaps practicing his best invisible-man impression.

Jake Bates put in a solid effort, landing two extra points and two field goals, bringing home 8 points and giving Tequila the edge they never really needed. Meanwhile, the Tequila defense chipped in with 4 points, adding the final sprinkles on Tequila’s victory margarita.

On Taipei's side, things weren’t nearly as bright. Matthew Stafford struggled to find the end zone, finishing with 293 yards and zero touchdowns, earning exactly 0 points—a performance as invisible as his WR corps seemed to be. Tyreek Hill tried to make things interesting with a lone touchdown for 6 points, while James Cook ran his way to a single score as well. But that was about it for excitement on Taipei’s end.

Their kicker, Jake Moody, led the team in points with 11, which tells you everything you need to know about Taipei’s offensive struggles.

In the end, it was all Tequila, proving that sometimes the best strategy is to let Bijan Robinson take the wheel. With the win, Tequila fans celebrated by stocking up on margarita mix, while Taipei fans were left to question Stafford’s invisibility act.

Tequila Sunrise
Pos.
Player
Stats
Points
QB
Patrick Mahomes 285 yds, TD 6
RB
Bijan Robinson 144 yds, 2 TD's 13
RB
De'Von Achane 52 yds  
RB
J.K. Dobbins 55 yds  
WR
Amon-Ra St. Brown 60 yds, TD 6
WR
Khalil Shakir 58 yds  
TE
Sam LaPorta 66 yds, TD 6
K
Jake Bates 2 FG's, 2 xp's 8
DEF
Denver Broncos 300yd, 4s 4
 
Total:
43
 
Taipei Personality
Pos.
Player
Stats
Points
QB
Matt Stafford 293 yds  
RB
Saquon Barkley 78 yds  
RB
James Cook 85 yds, TD 6
WR
Malik Nabors 48 yds  
WR
Tyreek Hill 27 yds, TD 6
WR
Wan'Dale Robinson 51 yds  
TE
Kyle Pitts 55 yds  
K
Jake Moody 3 FG's, 2 xp's 11
DEF
Baltimore Ravens 470yd, 3s, f 4
 
Total:
27