1
2
3
4
F
  Fightin' Ditkas
17
0
0
2
19
  Mexicant's
12
2
0
11
25

Chicago Fightin' Ditkas @ San Antonio Mexican'ts

In a game that felt more like a comedy of errors than a clash of titans, the San Antonio Mexican'ts held on for a much-needed victory over the Chicago Fightin’ Ditkas. Despite a valiant effort from rookie QB Caleb Williams, Chicago’s offense sputtered while San Antonio did just enough to avoid their playoff hopes going up in flames.

Caleb Williams threw for 373 yards, two touchdowns, and even added a 2-point conversion to his resume. But the rest of the Ditkas decided to enjoy a lazy Sunday. "I’m out here building Rome, but it feels like my team’s still hunting and gathering," Williams said postgame. "I was brought in to be the guy, and I’m doing my part. I can’t run the ball, catch the ball, AND play defense. At this rate, I might have to kick too."

Nick Chubb dragged San Antonio to victory, scoring two touchdowns and picking up 60 hard-earned yards. "I’m basically carrying the team and the playoff hopes on my back," Chubb said. "Someone Venmo me for the chiropractor bill." While Jared Goff had a pedestrian day, throwing for just 269 yards with no touchdowns. It seems his arm was in the same vacation spot as the rest of Chicago’s offense.

Travis Kelce caught 62 yards but failed to find the end zone, leaving fans wondering if he’s saving his best for the playoffs—or his next concert appearance with Taylor Swift.

Cameron Dicker accounted for 11 of San Antonio’s points, while Cam Little...well, let’s just say he might have been mistaken for a spectator.

Nick Chubb’s second touchdown in the first quarter gave San Antonio the cushion they needed. Chicago had opportunities to respond but failed to capitalize, as their running backs seemed to be more interested in auditioning for Dancing with the Stars than breaking tackles.

The owners gave us these tidbits after the game. San Antonio Owner Tanya Harless:
"Playoffs? We’re going to get there one nail-biting game at a time, even if I have to suit up myself." While Chicago Owner Shadd Wright was just downright lost, "So...uh, about that first-round pick we traded...any chance there’s a refund policy?"

San Antonio stays alive in the playoff hunt, but questions remain about their ability to string together consistent performances. Meanwhile, Chicago continues to regret their decision to mortgage the future for Caleb Williams. At 1-11, the Ditkas are limping to the finish line of a season that can only be described as a long, slow train wreck.

At least Caleb Williams can say he’s the best player on a very bad team. For now.

Chicago Fightin' Ditkas
Pos.
Player
Stats
Points
QB
Caleb Williams 373 yds, 2 TD's, 2pc 17
RB
Austin Ekeler 24 yds  
RB
Clyde Edwards-Helaire 0 yds  
WR
Tyler Lockett 20 yds  
WR
Xavier Worthy 51 yds  
WR
Brian Thomas jr. 0 yds  
TE
Hunter Henry 44 yds  
K
Cam Little dnp  
DEF
San Francisco 49er's 325yd, 2s 2
 
Total:
19
 
San Antonio Mexican'ts
Pos.
Player
Stats
Points
QB
Jared Goff 269 yds  
RB
Nick Chubb 60 yds, 2 TD's 12
RB
Najee Harris 54 yds  
WR
D.K. Metcalf 59 yds  
WR
CeeDee Lamb 68 yds  
WR
Zay Flowers 62 yds  
TE
Travis Kelce 62 yds  
K
Cameron Dicker 3 FG's, 2 xp's 11
DEF
Kansas City Chiefs 334yd, 2s 2
 
Total:
25