1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
F |
|||
 |
Peanut Butter Balls | 13 |
10 |
0 |
25 |
48 |
|
 |
Dark Side | 12 |
7 |
0 |
38 |
57 |
Dark Side Overcomes Peanut Butter Balls in Spread Showdown
The Dark Side used their home field advantage and a Jedi-like performance from Josh Jacobs to outlast the visiting Peanut Butter Balls, 57-48 in a game that was closer than it probably should’ve been. Despite Lamar Jackson doing his best “superhuman highlight reel” impression, Pittsburgh’s defense was as effective as using a paper towel to stop a flood.
Josh Jacobs reminded everyone why Philadelphia shelled out for him earlier in the season, running for 106 yards and three touchdowns. When asked about his performance, Jacobs quipped, “I just followed the lanes; it’s not my fault Pittsburgh’s defense left them wide open.” “Maybe next week, I’ll throw AND catch my own passes. Clearly, I’m the only one who understands my brilliance.”
Curiously Jacobs also gave us this nugget, “I didn’t just carry the ball; I carried the team. If you need me, I’ll be writing my MVP acceptance speech.” Maybe he has never heard of Saquon Barkley?
Lamar Jackson threw three touchdowns, which is impressive until you realize his total passing yards (192) were nearly outdone by his frustration-fueled sideline sprints. “I can only carry the team so far,” Jackson said, subtly glancing at Joe Mixon and James Conner.
Philadelphia’s dynamic duo combined for 211 yards and two touchdowns. Brown celebrated his score with a dance so elaborate that officials nearly flagged him for delay of game. McLaurin added, “If Brown gets all the attention, I’m happy being the silent assassin.”
DJ Moore was Pittsburgh’s lone bright spot, posting 119 yards, a touchdown, and a two-point conversion. He was reportedly overheard telling teammates, “I’m not saying I carried us, but I’m definitely icing my back tonight.”
Philadelphia captured the East with this victory, while Pittsburgh continues to hover in playoff purgatory. The Dark Side looks poised for a deep run, while the Peanut Butter Balls may need more than a sugar rush to stay in postseason contention.
Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls Lamar Jackson 192 yds, 3 TD's 18 Joe Mixon 45 yds James Conner 49 yds D.J. Moore 119 yds, TD, 2pc 9 Diontae Johnson 0 yds Joshua Palmer 38 yds George Kittle 82 yds, TD 7 Brandon Aubrey 2 FG's, 4 xp's 10 Pittsburgh Steelers 304yd, s, i, 2f 4 Philadelphia Dark Side Jalen Hurts 218 yds, TD 6 Josh Jacobs 106 yds, 3 TD's 18 A.J. Brown 109 yds, TD 7 Terry McLaurin 102 yds, TD 7 Jaxon Smith-Njigba 77 yds, TD 6 Christian Watson 4 yds Cade Otton 30 yds Parker Romo 3 FG's, 3 xp's 12 Detroit Lions 268yd