1
2
3
4
F
  Kats
17
8
0
1
26
  Lords
7
8
6
6
27

The California Claw-Fight: Tabbi's Kats vs. Los Angeles Lords

In a game that could be best described as "a comedy of errors," the Los Angeles Lords managed to squeak out a one-point victory over Tabbi's Kats in their heated rivalry matchup. Both teams seemed determined to test the limits of mediocrity, but in the end, the Lords were just a tad less mediocre.

Tabbi’s Tommy DeVito delivered a stat line so bland it would make plain marinara sauce look spicy: 221 yards, zero touchdowns. Postgame, DeVito said, “I’m saving the fireworks for when it counts. Like my offseason highlight reel.”

Taking over for Joe Burrow, Maye put on a respectable performance with 248 yards, a touchdown, and a two-point conversion. Asked about leading his team to victory, Maye shrugged, “I just try to throw it to someone who doesn’t drop it. Low bar, but hey, it works.” “Was it perfect? No. But I’ll take this over another week holding a clipboard.”

Chuba Hubbard punched in a touchdown and added a two-point conversion, scoring 8 of Tabbi’s 26 points. He was later seen trying to negotiate his way onto the Lords roster. “I heard they have championship vibes,” he said.

Keenan Allen was Tabbi’s lone bright spot, racking up 86 yards and a touchdown. After the game, Allen quipped, “Somebody has to score around here. Might as well be me.”

With a late fourth-quarter touchdown, Mark Andrews gave the Lords the lead they wouldn’t relinquish. “When in doubt,” said Andrews, “just throw it to me. I’m basically a cheat code.”

In the final minutes, Tabbi’s defense allowed the Lords to eat up the clock and score the critical go ahead TD from Andrews. Meanwhile, DeVito’s Hail Mary attempt at the buzzer fell just as short as his stat line.

After the game the owners had a differing perspective on the outcome of the game. Jason Beaver, Lords Owner “We don’t rebuild; we reload. And when we can’t do that, we survive by a single point.” While Kats Owner  Tabbi Brewer, had this to say “We lost, but at least we didn’t embarrass ourselves. Oh, wait...never mind.”

In a rivalry game where both teams seemed allergic to scoring, the Los Angeles Lords managed to keep their slim playoff hopes alive. Tabbi's Kats, on the other hand, might want to consider a team meeting—or perhaps a group nap—to figure out how to bounce back.

Tabbi's Kats
Pos.
Player
Stats
Points
QB
Tommy DeVito 221 yds  
RB
Derrick Henry 140 yds 1
RB
D'Andre Swift 65 yds  
RB
Chuba Hubbard 60 yds, TD, 2pc 8
WR
Deebo Samuel 21 yds  
WR
Keenan Allen 86 yds, TD 6
TE
Cole Kmet 64 yds  
K
Cairo Santos 2 FG's, xp 7
DEF
Chicago Bears 452yd, 3s, f 4
 
Total:
26
 
Los Angeles Lords
Pos.
Player
Stats
Points
QB
Drake Maye 248 yds, TD, 2pc 8
RB
Kareem Hunt 87 yds  
WR
Justin Jefferson 27 yds  
WR
Quinton Johnston 0 yds  
WR
Jameson Williams 68 yds  
WR
Ricky Pearsall 0 yds  
TE
Mark Andrews 46 yds, TD 6
K
Chris Boswell 2 FG's, xp 7
DEF
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 245yd, 4s, f, <250yd 6
 
Total:
27